Luke 9:23, Matthew 18:15-20, Romans 12:2

John Cook considers what being a Christian really is.

John Cook
John Cook

There are many different types of churches in the UK with contrasting cultures and styles. Some are traditional, some modern and vibrant and many are somewhere in between. The reality however is that regardless of the style of church, many young people still seem to become disillusioned, disengaged and ultimately, dropout. The shocking statistics of the demise in church attendance in our nation proves it. The saddest part of this story is that, for many, at the same time as dropping out of church, they also drop out of walking with Jesus.

How do we try and avoid this?

The key for me is birthing people into Jesus, not church. Somebody once said to me, what we save people with is what they are saved to. Too often, we are 'saving' our young people with a message that says, "Come to church and all of your problems will be sorted for you. He'll give you your heart's desires, find you friends and help you belong." Even the salvation prayer we teach young people to pray asks them to invite Jesus to become a PART of their lives. In doing so, we are birthing them into a lie. Jesus never asks for a part of our life. He asks for all of it. The reality of the message Jesus taught is simple:

'If anyone would come after me, He must deny Himself, take up his cross DAILY and follow me.' (Luke 9:23).

If you're reading this, I challenge you to ask yourself an honest question: What do you think it means to give up your life?

The reality is, in my experience, I'm not sure I really know what it means to give up my life. I love the proposition of it, but the reality of living it out is different. I need people to help me with it. I need friends to help me weigh up the big decisions in my life. Should I marry this girl? She's nice and attractive, but she's not a Christian and hates me going to church. Should I by this house? It's beautiful and makes my friends envy me, but I'll have no money left to give to others because the mortgage will cripple me. Should I take this job? It's well paid. It might get me a high profile, but it could limit my family time and take me away from my primary calling - should I do it?

I find due to my sinful nature, those questions are too hard to answer on my own, so that's where Jesus' principal of having two or three witnesses comes in. I need godly, Jesus-loving friends, who also love me, to help me weigh up decisions like this.

The context of Matthew 18:15-20 is about dispute handling amongst brothers, however I think it can also apply to how we navigate our way through life, carrying a cross on our backs as Jesus asks us to. This verse clearly implies that Jesus is with us in our decisions when we connect with godly friends. Friends who are more concerned with my relationship with God than with my 'happiness' (and for the record, our standards of happiness are daily bombarded and mutated by the standards of the world around us.) This is why Paul warned us in Romans 12:2 to be transformed by the renewing of our mind, so that we can test it's God's will and not ours.

A book that has helped me a lot in this area is A Resilient Life by Gordon MacDonald, who asks poignant questions throughout about who we surround ourselves with. Who coaches you? Who stretches your mind? Who listens to and encourages your dreams? Who will protect you? Who are those who share your tears? Who rebukes you? Who do you play with? Who seeks after God with you?

In my own life, I have a number of friends who fulfil different roles. I have a friend who I know I can cry with. I trust him and he is very gentle and asks great questions when needed. However that person would be potentially less effective if I needed to be rebuked. Whereas another one of my friends is more than happy to rebuke me, but wouldn't be the best during my 'play time' in a curry house!

The point is, godly relationships are what will help us to keep walking with Jesus. They will help us to make sure that nothing in our lives - our jobs, our partners and our decisions - will prevent us from putting Jesus first. Godly friends help us to keep Jesus central. They help us to stick it out when our cross gets heavy, the road gets narrow and the temptation is to quit.

If you haven't got friends in your life like that, I'd encourage you to find some.

However please remember their role is to help you to keep Jesus central in everything you do, ultimately Jesus should be our focus. Our relationships, our church, our family should all aid us to know Him more, rather than become a substitute for Jesus Himself. CR

The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.