Joy Attmore shares from personal experience, the pain of not feeling good enough and how an encounter with her husband brought healing to her heart.

How To Transition From Feeling Ugly To Believing You're Gorgeous

I stood in front of our bedroom mirror trying to squeeze into an outfit that no longer fit me. I stared at my reflection, taking in every detail that didn't, in my mind, equate to beautiful. I ripped the clothes off and turned back to the wardrobe suddenly feeling hopeless and unattractive. I picked out another dress and pulled it over my head, tugging it into place. It would do. I just wouldn't look at my 'problem' areas and everything would be fine.

Walking into the living room, my husband turned and greeted me, his eyes beautiful deep pools of love. "Are you ok babe?" He looked at me with concern.

"I just need to be held for a minute please." I curled up into his arms on the sofa and let his warm embrace minister to my vulnerable heart.

"What's going on?" He spoke into my freshly washed hair.

"I feel ugly and fat." I couldn't help but be reminded of myself as a teenager, desperate to be loved but always seeming to fall short of the standard of beautiful set by those around me.

"Babe, you're gorgeous and you're not fat!"

"My clothes don't fit me any more." I muttered the words into his chest.

Instead of trying to convince me by going back and forth with words, Phillip reached into his bag and pulled out a wrapped gift and card. He handed them to me. Emblazoned on the front on the envelope was the word 'GORGEOUS' in big bubble letters. I began to cry. I opened the card and wept. While I was feeling ugly and unattractive, my husband had decided to buy me a gift, purely because he thought I was gorgeous.

Just because Phillip had told me I was beautiful didn't mean that I suddenly believed it. I had to partner with the truth. I had to agree with the truth and declare it over myself. I had to make it a part of who I am as much as the lie that I was ugly had become real to me in the bedroom. It took a good 24 hours for me to be able to do this and receive what Phillip had so lovingly shown and spoken to me.

I feel like this little story is all too true for many of us. We find ourselves staring into a mirror and our hearts sink at what we see. Lies begin to run rampant in our minds and, rather than trying to find a way to affirm the truth about our beauty, we turn to methods of punishment to make up for where we feel we are lacking. And so comparison steals our joy and leaves us wanting.

I love this video created by Soul Pancake and Darling Magazine which shows a group of women chatting about what makes them feel the most beautiful. We are not alone in our desire to feel gorgeous. We all want to and we all are.

A week after I experienced this moment of deep vulnerability with my husband, I stood on a stage in front of several hundred women at the She Is Free conference in NYC and recounted the same story to them. Why? Because I realised that what I had experienced with Phillip in our apartment was a beautiful exchange and it wasn't exclusively for me to own. There is an envelope with the word 'GORGEOUS' written across it for each of us to receive and it contains an invitation to freedom.

When we tell ourselves that we are ugly, worthless, unattractive, fat, not enough, or too much, we are agreeing with something that is simply not true. We are believing lies about who we are. Our invitation to freedom is a poetic way of saying that we do not have to stay that way, we can free our minds and hearts to embrace the truth about who we are. How? By stepping into a beautiful exchange with the one who created us.

'God has sent me to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes,
To anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow,
to wrap them in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.'
Isaiah 61:3

We are invited to give up our ashes of sorrow, depression and sadness, whatever that is rooted in, and instead receive beauty, gladness, joy and praise. The only catch is, it's a choice. It's my choice and it's your choice. No-one can force you into freedom, but they can lovingly encourage you!

So may these words wrap you up in truth today, may they speak tenderly to your heart and may you find the strength to receive them and drink deep of their life.

You are beautiful.

You are GORGEOUS!! CR

The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.