Heather Bellamy caught up with Sheila Bridge to chat about her new book.

If you're a couple you need to be able to talk about what's good for you. What you like and what you don't like. So I'm hoping that by bringing the subject out into the open, we'll debunk some of these myths and set people free really to enjoy the gift God meant sex to be.. I don't think God blushes at the idea of sex. I think God's fantastically comfortable with the idea of sex and we're the ones who get screwed up about that idea.

Heather: Your book certainly struck a chord with me, as I've had to work through many issues relating to painful experiences and also negative things being spoken into my sexuality. For those ladies out there listening who feel even the title of your book strikes a chord with them, what hope can you give them, both in terms of coming through whatever is stealing their sex life, and how sex was created to be.

Sheila: I think sex is meant to be the most intimate expression of vulnerability and together it's meant to be the glue between two people. Its' meant to be an emotional, physical and spiritual experience. That's how the Bible portrays it. Now a lot of our experiences fall far short of that. But that would be my hope; that women could be moved on, through putting aside the myth and working through the painful experiences they had, to reaching a point where they can say, yes I have with my spouse a long term emotionally committed relationship in which I feel safe to explore all that this gift could be. So I feel confident to be able to ask for what I need and I feel confident to be able to meet my partner's needs. I think that that would be a good place to be.

Heather: Speaking of partners. What about the men; assuming we still have some male readers out there. What can they do to be more aware of their wives? I'm assuming from reading your book and what you're saying, that you wouldn't be thinking 'it's all about what the women have to do' to improve their experience?

Sheila: No it isn't. Although the book is primarily written to help women address the issues that particularly impact on them. Clearly one of the issues that impact them is their partner or how the husband feels about the whole sexual side of the relationship. It might be encouraging to note that actually out of my whole survey, the whole group I questioned, husbands actually got top billing. So men mustn't feel that they're bound to be a negative factor. Actually for most women who've found, however you want to express it, a long-term emotionally committed relationship, for women who've found that partner, marriage partner, then actually husbands are a really positive factor and women spoke about their love, the unconditionallity of their love, being all incredibly powerful and healing.

The one-thing men didn't like to do as much as us women is talk about it. That is tricky, and I've given some suggestions in the book about how you can initiate a conversation with your husband about sex. It can make them feel incredibly defensive. As soon as you start to broach the subject, because they can feel that you're criticising them, that somehow they're not good enough. And this can make them feel very touchy about it. So, you don't want to end up having a row, but it's almost - I think the great opening line is 'honey I'd really like to talk about how we can improve things'. There's almost no husband I know whose ear wouldn't prick up at the idea of improving things. It's all about how you phrase things and of course it's about finding the right time, finding the right place, and having the right tone in your voice where you're going to approach the subject without criticism and negativity. Where you both find the confidence to improve things.

Heather: Obviously for women our appearance and body is very important to us, perhaps even more than men. How can women feel sexy if many can't even look in the mirror at themselves?

Sheila: That is so true, In fact there was a survey done recently. I think it was done by handbag.com. Eight out of ten women feel so negative about their bodies that they won't look in a full-length mirror undressed. I think that's tragic. When, you know the story from Genesis when God appeared in the garden, he actually asked Adam and Eve, 'who told you you were naked'. In other words, who made you ashamed of the glorious body I gave you. We have got glorious bodies, but we've been conditioned to thinking that we're too fat or too thin. We've got such a sense of shame about them, which is awful; and you're right, this has a huge impact on sexual relationships. And again it's an area where women do really need to address and think about. And I think also for women who are not in a sexual relationship; because there is a whole chapter in the book given to single people. I want to also say, that actually being single, simply not being in a sexual relationship, doesn't mean that you are not a sexual person. Because I think we all are sexual people all the time. It's like being left handed or right handed. It's something about the way we are. And so I really want to try and encourage women to be at home with their bodies; love their bodies, nurture themselves. To do whatever it is that makes them feel special. Whether that's face cream and bubble baths and fancy lingerie; paint your nails whatever. I think God approves and appreciates our bodies and thinks it's a good thing to present ourselves well. It's not being shallow to care about our appearance. I think that that's very much part of who we are. And I think God honours that because I think that's something actually God put in women in the first place.

Heather: So what responses have you had so far to the book?

Sheila: They've almost all been entirely positive. I've had - just to give you two examples. One lady who'd had a very quiet sort of sheltered life, sidled up to me quietly and said thank you so much for writing the book, it answered all the questions I've never dared to ask. And another lady who had had probably it's fair to say, a lot of sexual experiences in the past, said to me, 'when I read your book Sheila, I didn't think I'd learn anything, but actually I did'. So I was really heartened by both of these comments. Yes people have been very positive about it.

You can buy 'Who Stole Your Sex Life' from Cross Rhythms Direct for just £5.99