Tony Cummings interviewed the Watford-based member of the Soul Survivor team BETH CROFT

Beth: Spontaneous singing, yeah. Whether that's an instrumental thing or just singing over people, allowing them to catch on as well to what God's doing. We're very flexible, and I love it that way.

Tony: How come it sometimes takes five people to write a worship song?

Beth: That's a good question. For my song "Once In Darkness" (featured on Soul Survivor & Momentum's 'Live 2011: We Are The Free' album) it started with three of us - myself, Luke Hellebronth and David Gate - on a songwriters' retreat. I don't know if that happens normally: I'm not a prolific songwriter. We managed to write a song in the space of three or four days. Then it was just the final tweaking. Luke took it to Worship Central, showed it to Tim Hughes; I showed it to a few people. That's where Tim and Sam Cox had their input, just on a few key lines. I think we ended up switching the chorus around: we chopped the chorus in half and then switched those two halves around.

Tony: Is a solo album in the pipeline?

Beth: I don't think there is. There's nothing official in the pipeline at all. I've never envisaged myself, if I'm totally honest, doing an album. But if there are songs, once I start writing a bit more, once I have enough songs to put on an album, then I think time will tell. There's something about having a deadline and working to that that really does make you write, and I think there's a good element to that. But, at the same time, I don't want to be churning out songs out of nowhere: I want them to come from a place of integrity. I think it's just being patient. Songwriting has been a struggle from the time I started. If I'm going to write a song, I want people to be able to sing it, but firstly that it's come from a place of real life in me. Who knows? I don't know. No plans in the pipeline.

Tony: You've got the major festivals - what about the rest of the time?

Beth: We have smaller-scale events during the year. We've got SoulNet conference coming up in the New Year; we've got a Momentum weekend - 20s and 30s; and we've got our Naturally Supernatural conference too. All those are on the website. A lot of it is planning for those. A huge chunk of my time is taken up with heading up the worship at Soul Survivor, Watford as well. I'm worship pastor at Soul Survivor, Watford as well as directing worship at the ministries - external stuff. Every day is different.

Tony: Does being a professional worshipper bring its own tensions?

Beth: I think I experienced that tension in a really acute way a few years ago, when I was doing my internship at Worship Central. Before then, the only places I'd led worship were in my bedroom, the occasional small group and maybe a Christian Union meeting at university. All of a sudden I was plunged into leading worship really regularly at services; I also co-led with Tim at a few conferences as well. I felt totally out of my depth. Looking back, although it felt painful at the time - that tension going on inside - that was a key time for me, to realise my identity isn't caught up in what I do, who I'm perceived to be. As soon as you're put on a stage, people have a certain view of what your life looks like: they think everything's picture perfect and you're all sorted. Whereas every day I was struggling to read the Bible and pray; every day it took everything in me to spend that time with God. I found myself becoming quite cynical as well - going from being at university where I was a light in the darkness, to being in a light place where everyone's in Christian ministry. God's taught me so much about identity through that, coming to grips with that tension and being real about the things I struggle with; and freeing other people to talk on that level as well: it's okay to be in ministry, to be leading stuff, but to admit you get it wrong. I think we're doomed if we're not real about that kind of stuff and we pretend that everything picture perfect: it doesn't give other people much hope either. With any type of serving - worship leading is serving our congregations - there are plenty of times when I've been on a rota for this, a rota for that, and my heart hasn't been in it. But you do it anyway. I think it's so important to touch base with God beforehand: 'God, I don't feel like doing this, but I know it's important'. Leading worship, I might be like, 'God, I'm sick of singing these songs, but I want to serve these people in worship'. 'Even if I don't feel ready to meet with you myself, I know that I'm serving a wider thing. I'm part of something bigger than myself, and I want to look outside of that'.

Tony: Sometimes it's the responses you get from the congregation that help you.

Beth: Totally. That's God's grace, isn't it? You can start doing something with completely the wrong attitude, but he can end up turning it around, even while you're serving, for you to receive too. So much of it is a choice: not only to get up there and serve anyway, but also to receive. So many times I've felt God meet with me in a really powerful way, even when I've been leading and had other things on my mind. Again, that's just a display of God's graciousness and the way that he can work in the most unexpected way - when you're totally focussed or when you're stressed about something. Perhaps all the songs you've started in the wrong key and it's gone horribly wrong, but God will still meet with you and his people. God mends us on the way: we're never going to be all sorted, we'll never get to that place."