Cross Rhythms reader Stuart Watts tells how he was impacted by a chunk of thrash metal.

Seventh Angel

I was born a spastic, and I thank God for having parents who, in love and with an eye to the future, raised me to live in spite of my disability. Not to ignore it - that would be foolish (and impossible), but to have a positive attitude to life and living. I have been blessed by having family and friends who have treated me as a person rather than a disabled person.

I'm 48 and have been married 25 years. We are a family of committed Christians with a great love of music. There is scarcely a time when the house is not filled with music.

I have always been able to go where I wanted when I wanted, but the consequences of the passing years, and not being a driver, now mean that I am dependent on being transported everywhere - a task my family and friends (mainly Jennifer) undertake willingly.

Some 2 years or so ago, a friend invited me to a healing meeting, and asked if I believed that God could straighten my body. I was extremely embarrassed, and immediately changed the subject. About the same time, I became aware of a growing personal concern about the limitations placed upon me by my disability, and about the burden, which those limitations were placing, on my family.

Training as a Methodist Local Preacher, and involvement at church and at circuit level meant a steady stream of preaching appointments and meetings, all of which involved not only me, but someone else as well. Also, my parents are now at a time of life when they need help, and even a simple task like doing some shopping for them is beyond me unless someone else helps or does it for me.

All of this made me hurt inside and I began thinking "Why me? Why have I got to be like this? Why can't I just do what I want when I want to do it, without involving someone else? Why can't I be independent?". This progressed to me saying to God, "Look, if I was physically normal I could serve you better. I could do more for others, take more preaching appointments and attend more meetings."

It was then that, through a series of incidents, God stepped in. I was preaching in one of our chapels, and I must have communicated something of my feelings because, afterwards, a lady who I had known for many years came up to me, took hold of my hands, looked me in the eyes and said, "How beautiful upon the mountain are the feet of those who bring the good news to Zion."

God often speaks to us through other people. Could it be that, in His eyes, my twisted legs were beautiful?

One Sunday morning, our circuit minister was speaking about how modern man wanted self sufficiency, complete independence, and that God wanted us to trust Him enough to be totally dependent upon Him. Two days later, Jennifer and I heard a sermon on Paul's thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 1 2:1-10), and how, after much pleading with God to take it away, he came to realise that he was a more complete person with his thorn in the flesh than he would be without it and with his pride. This message was reinforced when we attended a weekend seminar on "Wholeness and Holiness", and learned that God is concerned about the whole person - body, mind and spirit, and that His healing power is concentrated in making people whole rather than just making them physically well.

Could it be that my yearning for physical wholeness and independence was a very poor reflection of God's yearning for me?

Through his involvement in the Christian metal music scene, Ian came into contact with a thrash metal band called Seventh Angel, and one day was playing their album, 'The Torment'. Suddenly, in the middle of the loud, heavy music, and lyrics which I couldn't make out, a strong, clear voice sang,

"Now is the time. My Lord does call
To walk with Him throughout eternity
The Son of God has given all
Releasing me from the grip of my infirmity."

The next time I had the house to myself, I put the album on again and listened to a track called "Katie". Suddenly I knew that, once again, God was speaking to me. I found out later that this song was written in memory of a 6 year-old Christian called Katie who was confined to a wheelchair, knew she was dying and simply wanted to spend her last days telling people about Jesus ( "... for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven ...").

The song has had a great effect on me, because it hammered home the truth that God's love and concern for me is eternal and that, through Jesus' total sacrifice on Calvary, my past, present and future are safe in His hands.