Jill Saward, whose book 'Rape: My Story' received national media coverage, tells how a song by Irish duo Stewart & Kyle touched her life.

Allistair Stewart & Chris Kyle
Allistair Stewart & Chris Kyle

At ten years old, when I was contemplating my future, I had a secret wish to be a missionary. Inspired by the likes of Gladys Aylward I wanted to go to China or Kenya. At this stage I wasn't a Christian. I thought that I was, after all, I went to church, I knew about God and, more importantly, my father was a vicar.

I just had to be a Christian Within two years I became a Christian, but by that time I wanted to be an archaeologist. I was a member of the local CYFA (Churches Youth Fellowship Association) and as time went on served on the committee. At one of the CYFA meetings a curate named Chris, who was leading the group, played a song. Some Christian music has greatly influenced me.

Artists like New Beginnings, Amy Grant and Garth Hewitt all played a part in moulding my life but especially the song "Will You Go" by Irish gospel duo Stewart and Kyle. My Christian faith grew, but the desire to be an archaeologist waned. All my ambitions seemed to be dashed when I was 16. I had failed almost all my exams. Everything I had planned for all of a sudden was over. I did not know what God wanted me to do with my life but I knew I would not be let down. I became involved in a beach mission at Nefyn in North Wales.

Encouraged by Chris, I began sharing my faith on the holiday missions. During my first year on the team I was given some advice by the late Peter Green, which to this day I consider valuable and hold dear. He told me that if, before God, I felt that something was right to do then I should do it, even if other people did not like it.

Straight away, this appealed to the rebel in me! I have always tried to keep this advice -even though sometimes I could have done with a flack jacket. Especially in the company of some Christians who didn't agree with my ideas or theology. In saying what I believe, I have upset a lot of people, but I believe it is my responsibility to tell about Christianity the way it is, and not to give people false hopes. On 6th March 1986, when I was 21 years old, three men burst into my home, beat up my boyfriend David and my dad before subjecting me to the most degrading experience a woman can go through.

But throughout what has become known worldwide as the 'Vicarage Rape Case' I experienced God's love - God's total love. The media attention that followed the case surprised me. Within hours, BBC and ITV were reporting on it and by the following morning the gates of the Ealing vicarage were surrounded by press cameramen, journalists and TV crews. The high media profile surrounding this case put me in a unique position.

It gave me a voice with which I could speak to the world and tell them how, throughout the ordeal, God never left me, but remained with me and gave me the courage and strength to get through it. As a result of this, I have been very privileged to share my faith quite openly. I have given almost 100 interviews with differing strains of the media - from live TV talk shows in Ireland and the BBC's Everyman programme to local radio and newspapers throughout the country.

Through all of these I can only guess at how many people my words have reached. I pray that I have been able to input something of the joy and love of God to them. I am a qualified nursery nurse, RE teacher, a beautician, a manicurist and a masseuse. I have worked as a secretary, receptionist, cleaner, teacher and shop assistant.

Some people criticise me for not having a set career plan(!) but I believe I need and have the flexibility to do what I believe is right before God. I have recently left work to spend some time with friends in America, trying to listen for God's calling on how he would use my life. Throughout my Christian life, the chorus of Stewart And Kyle's "Will You Go" has been my prayer. I don't always feel that I achieve my goal of letting my life be 100 per cent God's for him to use. However, I am trying to change that. I hope that through all these interviews I have been able to tell the world that God alone is God. I find the last verse of the song to be a real challenge. God has given me perfect love, so how do I respond?

I think by going back to the words of the chorus. "Yes Father, I will go, my life is yours to use, I will tell the world that you alone are God". Maybe my ambition as a ten year old has been realised.

WILL YOU GO
Words and music by Allistair Stewart and Chris Kyle

Jesus I want you to go to Earth
And give your life for the sinner
Will you go, Jesus, will you go?
They'll sneer and they'll spit
At the words that you speak.
For the sinner, will you go?
Jesus, will you go?
Yes Father, I will go,
My life is yours to use.
I will tell the world,
That you alone are God, alone.
So he came and he died,
Gave his life just for you.
And you're looking at his love,
Oh, his love, perfect love.

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The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.