Original Prayer

my sister and i were both emotionally, verbally and even physically abused on occasion, all our lives while we were children, until we both left home. my sister has done very well, loves God, and is a lovely, caring generous person. i have severe mental health/behaviour problems, and am having problems in career and managing my finances etc. i am glad for my sister, but feel so much guilt becos she has had it tough too, whereas i have many problems becos of being abused. i know the abuse wasn't my fault, but my reaction towards it is in some ways- i tried to kill myself several times, had breakdowns, cut myself, have an eating disorder. i find it hard to forgive myself for seeing my abuse as a "tragedy", when my sister has never felt sorry for herself (altho' she acknowledges it hurt, she is very humble), but altho' i forgive my abusers, i still hurt so much inside. i try not to feel sorry for myself, but i can't help feeling that what happened to me as a child was a terrible "tragedy", and if i tell myself it wasn't so bad, and that i was lucky compared to many children, i feel as if i have no right being depressed, and i feel more guilt. When people tell me to count my blessings, i feel like cutting my arms till the blood flows. God has been good to me, but i can't stop feeling angry towards Him for his refusal to let me forget my part in it. i was just a child, and even tho' i'm 25 now, i feel angry for being told to "get over myself."

Submitted by C on 24 May 2007

Responses

Dear C, I don't know exactly what to say, but I wanted to reach out to you. I hear your pain crying out for someone to listen and acknowledge it. Your pain is real. The little child that you were is hurting and crying out for someone to listen. I know that Jesus wants to reach out and hold that child in his arms, tell her that she is loved and worthwhile and perfect just as she is. I wish that I could reach out and hug you in real life, but I pray that you feel Jesus's arms around you right now in your heart. Don't deny your pain, because it is eating you up inside. You are trying to scream out in so many ways, through harming yourself. You were hurt and you need to find someone who will let you express your anger and disappointment, express it with words, not through harming yourself. Do not despair. I have been in similar places and only now at the age of 32 am I beginning to understand. Jesus has something wonderful waiting for you too, I am sure of that.

Submitted by Charlotte on 14 Jun 2007

Dear friend, Thank you for your honesty in sharing. I read your E mail, and I agree that it is unhelpful when people tell you just 'to get over it' Being healed from hurts from the past takes time, and all of us are still on the journey towards wholeness in Jesus. The good news is that there is healing and help availiable, from God and from other Christians, counsellors etc who are willing to spend time listening, caring etc. I want to say that God knows where you are today, and God loves you so much. Whether you are having a good day, bad day, reaching the standards that you hope, or not God made you to be who you are, unique, special and beloved, a gift to the world. One of a kind. I pray for you today that you will experience God's love in a new way today, and that God will bring special, caring people into your life who can help you to continue to make progress on your journey. Love, your sister in Christ x 'As a bridegroom rjoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.' Isaiah 62:5 'Praise be to the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in all our troubles with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.' 2 Cor 1:3 -4

Submitted by Fiona on 26 May 2007

I know some similiaraties but deffinitly do not know what you really went through, i know just that that altough it seemed that you and your sister went trough the same thing it can be very diffrent to how you expierienced it. i am not saying your sister went through less pain than you did. it is just very paindfull in that situation and it breaks the relationship what you had with the ones you love.I do not think it would hurt that much iff you did not love them at the beginning. This is why it is so hard to love again because our trust in it has been broken, by somoene that probably did not understand the love of Jesus in the first place. i pray that God makes you trust in love again, to trust in Him again. this is the only way out is to let Him heal you, to love again. i can also just say remember feelings is the only real things we have, the rest pass and goes away but what we feel remains. do not let anyone tell you that what you feel is not real, iff they say so, are they just bones without flesh?, the ones that want to ignore their feelings is scared of it, i lived a life before where i ignore feeling and i was dead. Jesus , where sad, happy, and He was the Son of God, our saviour God Himself, this is what it is all about a battle for your'e feelings. all said let Him make you be in love with Him, God is God, and peace for your'e heart in the name of Jesus Amen

Submitted by Jacob on 25 May 2007

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