Original Prayer

Lord, i feel so angry with you right now. you told me back last summer that you loved me unconditionally and that i will never lose my salvation. You told me this through other Christians, many of who are professional counsellors and friends who have suffered this kind of pain. So now why do i not hear your comfort when i cry out to you? Things were so beautiful with you two months ago. I had a father in you, someone who knew exactly what i have been through and still wanted me, i had peace and a measure of emotional health i have never ever had til last sept. I think i know that you must love me deep down, last Sunday when Becca prayed for me i had two good-ish days afterwards. I know i have sinned, and i keep being sorry and coming back in repentance. There are thingds in my life i can't let go of- i want for you to take the affects of ny hurt away. The pressure in my mind makes me feel panicky- i can't do the things you may be asking, if its you speaking about this. (you know what issue i'm talking about, i'm not gonna spell it out here- i can't tell anybody, its too bad. no matter what my Psychiatric helpers and deliverance people say about me being unable to control such thoughts in my mind, i know that i was getting better til recently. if my healing has been lost then help me repent of my sins, particularly the eating disorder. MAY YOUR MERCY LAST A LIFETIME! I need strength, please.don't leave it too long

Submitted by c on 10 Mar 2007

Responses

Hi Just read your prayer and something inside me said I should respond. Obviously I don't know all the details of your trouble right now but I have discovered recently that my circumstances and my feelings can change on a moment by moment basis and often do. I used to think that when things are going well then God must love me and I must be doing the right things. When things are not going well then either God has stopped loving me so much or I must be doing something wrong. The bible tells us of a time when Jesus disciples felt the same way and the lesson that they had to learn. Immediately after Jesus had fed the five thousand (things going well good stuff happening) he sent his disciples across the lake by boat whilst he stayed behind. During the night they experienced an unexpected storm taking nine hours to row four miles! On top of that they felt that Jesus had abandoned them to die (bad stuff hapening God has stopped caring or i must have done something too bad?) Here's the lesson that they had to learn and the one that has really helped me recently. Where was Jesus while all this bad stuff was happening? Had he gone away did he have more important things to do? Was he simply going to abandon them to their fate? NO Jesus saw all that they were going through AND WAS PRAYING FOR THEM! Just as right now He sees what you and I are going through and IS PRAYING (interceding) for us. And at just the right time HE WILL COME AND STILL THE STORM. But the lesson for the disciples and you and me is to learn to TRUST HIM in the midst of the storm and not just in calm waters. And that His determination to hold on to me is not dependent upon how well i cope with my sin he knows that struggle and he forgives as often as i confess.

Submitted by malcolm on 12 Apr 2007

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