I learned some things about Jesus at Sunday school in Walsall. I even thought I knew him. One cold evening in January, I was at church for evensong. During the intercessions the lay minister prayed for the Rathbone family, that God would bless them in their present difficulties.

Graham Rathbone was my best pal and just a few months older than me. I remember wondering what 'their present difficulties' were, as they had seemed fine in the morning. After the service the Vicar's wife spoke to me privately. "Graham Rathbone died this morning," she said. That really shook me up more than anything before or since. Graham died after a Houdini-style rope escape prank went tragically wrong.

Graham's death was a turning point in my religious life. I had many new questions, but I was too afraid to ask anybody. Where was Graham? What happens when you die? What do you need to do to get to Heaven? I went looking for answers.

At about this time some friends at school began dabbling in occult activities - Ouija board, séances, astrology and divination. The divination I thought was scientific; the astrology I thought was fun; the Ouija board and séances I knew were wrong, but exciting. These methods did not answer any questions. They just began a depression within me that grew stronger and stronger. Finally I felt I'd had enough. One day I calmly decided I could not continue to live. The only way to know what happens when you die was to die, I thought. That day was strange. I was alone in the house and I decided to "do it". I can remember placing a belt around my neck. Standing on the side of the bath I was planning to tie the belt to the light fitting and jump.

What actually happened still remains a mystery to me. I can't remember anything else, except that I was sitting in the lounge drinking a cup of tea. I was still alone, but somehow I wasn't. Jesus was with me. I knew Jesus was with me. I wasn't converted - I just had an overwhelming sense of Jesus' presence in the room.

Some time, and a different church, later, I went to see the musical Godspell at a Birmingham theatre. The play was nothing spectacular - just a romanticised, rather silly modern day version of Matthew's Gospel. Christians usually sneered at its flaky theology. I watched the performance in relative disinterest until the finale.

They did it well - the crucifixion. The actor playing Christ looked like he was suffering, looked dead as he hung limply on the cross while his followers, poleaxed with grief, sang "Long Live God". That was the same as "Jesus Lives". I already knew that. I had a sticker on my Bible telling me so. Then - hold on, what was this? The tempo suddenly became faster, more rhythmic. Joyful. Jesus suddenly, unexpectedly leapt from the cross and ran into the audience. YES! That's it! That's what it was all about. I had heard it all before many times but now I understood it. Jesus, the sinless man who was God came to earth, was crucified, but had victoriously conquered the barrier that was death. "Prepare Ye The Way Of The Lord" the cast sang. The Lord is returning, and it is us, not John the Baptist, who must prepare the way, baptising people in God's name. The cast were singing top volume; the audience were gazing at the spectacle on stage, drinking in the grandiose musical finale. But I was thinking...and praying.

I committed my life to God and invited Jesus to take over my life. I wanted now to live for him.

I thought I had become a Christian the day I attempted suicide - I hadn't. I realise now that I accepted that God was real, but my response was wrong. Instead of doing what I thought God would want me to do, I should have asked God what he wanted me to do. Godspell may not have been written by a Dove Awards winner but it was the pop-Gospel musical, condemned by the Church when it was first performed, that brought me into a clearer understanding of who Jesus is.

Finale from Godspell
Words and music by Steve Schwartz

Oh God, I'm bleeding, Oh God, I'm bleeding:
Oh God, you're bleeding.
Oh God, I'm dying, Oh God, you're dying;
Oh God, I'm dying.
Oh God, I'm dead. Oh God, you're dead.
Oh God, you're dead, Oh God, you're dead!
Long live God, long live God, long live God,
Long live God, long live God, long live God,
Long live God, long live God, long live God,
Long live God, long live God, long live God.

{Women: Long live God x 8
{Men: Prepare ye the way of the Lord x 4
All: Prepare ye the way of the Lord Prepare ye the way of the Lord
© Copyright c 1971, 1972 by the Herald Square Music Company/
New Cadenza Music Corporation