American CCM star STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN speaks about his struggles.
I understand that in 2000 a number of problems and tragedies in your life led to your faith being severely shaken.
Steven: Even two years ago, when I was dealing with the school shootings in Paducah, KY, and Columbine, I could still see God. There were the Cassie Bernall stories and the parents saying, 'We see God.' But this time, I couldn't get any sense of moving on. It's like we grieve and grieve, then wake up tomorrow and things are worse instead of better. My faith has been so rocked by all of this. In this season I've been passing through, I run to his Word for comfort and answers, and I feel more alienated by it than drawn to him. I open up my Bible and think, 'I've never seen that before. That doesn't sound like you. I thought I knew you.'
So how were your questioning and struggles reflected on the 'Declaration' album?
Steven: When it came time to talk about (writing) the new album, I didn't have closure on anything that had happened. I still don't. And this was before I lost my voice. I asked myself and God, 'What do I have to say about all this? I either just talk about happy things and pretend nothing's happening, or I just flat out don't write songs and go find another thing I'm supposed to do. Or I just suffer out loud and let these songs be whatever they're supposed to be. I found myself saying, 'Okay, I don't have the answers and none of this makes sense. But I'm just going to walk in this direction.' I don't feel a cotton-pickin' thing, but I'm going to say, 'Jesus is who he says he is,' and that's true not because I feel it or can grasp it. If I can say words, I'm going to say that Jesus is Lord and God is good and ultimately good will conquer evil because he's on the throne.
The adoption of a little Chinese girl, Shaohannah, by you and Beth has clearly had a big effect on you.
Steven: Adopting Shaohannah is the most profound experience of our faith and of the grace of God coming alive in our hearts that we've ever experienced. We've seen what happens when we step out of our comfort zone. This is how we respond to the Gospel, by putting it into action.
Does that closure with God still allude you?
Steven: I'm coming closer to being okay with that. I think what I've learned is that God's more mysterious, more uncontrollable and unexplainable than I have ever known him to be. As strange as these seasons are, I really think they're God's hand embracing us to say, 'You're going to feel distanced. You won't understand. But as you trust me, I will take you into deeper relationship - a realisation of your need of me. You can trust me and let me be God.' These are all things I want to understand some day.
The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.