Joy Attmore shares her thoughts on the recent tragedy.

Joy Attmore

We stepped out of the train station into a courtyard area flanked on one side by a beautiful old gothic cathedral constructed of the kind of architecture that makes you stop in your tracks and gaze upwards to try and behold it all. Hundreds of people were milling around and police vans were holding a line around the perimeter of the open public space. A crowd gathered on the steps of the cathedral, banners were erected and flags began to be waved in the winter breeze before the congregation erupted in noise; the sound of whistles, horns and the clangs of instruments filling the square, every second being captured on camera by the news crews and reporters who stood just a few feet away.

I stood with my family to one side of the demonstration, drinking in the scene for a few minutes and feeling the weight of emotion and the trauma of the stories that had led up to this moment. Suddenly I felt the familiar sensation of sobs knotted in my throat, pushing to come out. My eyes stung with tears and I blinked hard, fiercely swallowing back down the eruption of emotion. I was feeling the grief and turmoil that was filling Cologne's city centre that day and the cries for justice were triggering my heart of intercession.

On New Year's Eve 2015, hundreds of women were targeted, robbed and sexually assaulted amidst the new year celebrations in Cologne, many of which happened in and around the city's main train station. A total of 838 people have filed criminal complaints since that night, 497 of them being from women who had experienced sexual assault.

The descriptions of the perpetrators released by police have been that of a group of men of 'Arab or North African origin' creating an undeniable link with Germany's huge influx of refugees over the past year. To add fuel to the fire, it then appeared that the police and media had tried to cover up the full extent of the atrocities in the days that followed, in an attempt to prevent political backlash on the immigration issue. The demonstration that I bore witness to came in response to this cover up; women who wanted their voice to be heard and didn't want shame or abuse to have the final say. Other protests have since taken place in the city, some pro-peace, women's rights and pro-refugees, carrying slogans such as, 'you can't fight sexism with racism' and some were anti-immigration, creating clashes with police.

Arriving in Cologne during this turbulent atmosphere felt like both the best and worst time to visit the well-known German city. How people choose to respond to trauma and injustice reveals so much about their hearts and how they choose to seek healing can be an invitation for a city-wide turnaround, from brokenness to restored wholeness. I felt the city's vulnerability as I stood taking all of this in.

As a woman who has also experienced sexual abuse I felt deeply the pain and injustice of what had taken place. As someone who has moved to another country that is not my homeland I also know what it feels like to be a foreigner in a foreign land. I will not attempt to understand what it means to have grown up in a war-torn land, to have experienced the horrors of battle and to have been ripped from my family and country - that is not my experience, but from the depths of my imagination I can only conclude that it leaves a person irrevocably changed and vulnerable to the mind-sets and tactics of war.

Over the course of the day, the topic of the New Year's Eve attacks came up several times in conversation amongst my family and our friends. Each time I couldn't help but sympathise with the cause of the refugees. I can in no way allow myself to excuse the actions that took place that night, but I can understand some of the potential causes for it.

The tactics of defeating the enemy in a war include killing the goodness and light within a man and woman's heart so that they are able to carry out atrocities that only hell would command. If this is the environment that someone has grown up in and managed to escape out of, are we expecting that darkness and trauma to disappear with the crossing of a country's boundary lines?

Every individual who was attacked, robbed and raped in Cologne is a victim who now requires healing and restoration from the abuse they have received. Likewise, I believe that the perpetrators from that night are also victims - victims of war and lies that have instilled in them beliefs that only destroy and justify acts of terror.

I'm not attempting to resolve a night of tragedy in one piece of writing, nor to say that I know what caused such actions to take place, but I believe that there is goodness inside of each person; gold that is waiting to be called out and a hand of grace that is extended to all, no matter our list of sins.

If we're not careful, I think it would be far too easy to allow war to spread its reign with the crossing of borders. When trauma, anger, hatred and disunity are allowed to go unchecked, the fruits of that way of thinking or living will continue to be felt, by an individual and those affected by that person, whether they stand in a war zone or have moved to a country of peace. We have the opportunity to extend mercy, grace and forgiveness to those who have wronged and been wronged and to be a part of ending the effects and reach of war.