Original Prayer

I have had M.E. for 14 years, since I was 11 and am finding it increasingly hard to accept and deal with. I feel my life has been stolen from me and that I am useless. My dreams are so far from my reach. I have had problems with depression on and off for years. I am on medication for it, but it's getting worse. I have used drink as an escape for a long time now and feel it is really becoming a big problem. I know it is not the answer. No one knows, as I hide it well. I am also starting to develop a very unhealthy attitude to food, and am eating in secret. My nan has been very ill and I am trying to care for her which is very difficult. I've just found out my first boyfriend (the only man I have ever loved is engaged) and am heartbroken. I feel I will never find a man I love that loves me back as I am so broken and have nothing to offer. I was abused mentally (of a sexual nature) when I was a child. Certain childhood relationships have also increased my lack of self worth. I know God loves me but that just isn't breaking through the unhappiness and darkness inside me. I think of suicide more and more but could never go through with it as I love my family too much and am scared of going to hell. I feel trapped and desperate. I know I should be grateful for all God has given me and that lots of people are worse off than me, but that doesn't change the way I feel. I am full of guilt for this. No one knows I feel like this. Help me!

Submitted by Natalie on 20 Feb 2008

Responses

Natalie, you and I have so much in common I am almost amazed. I was an ME sufferer and I survived abuse, depression, suicide attempts and an Eating Disorder like you described. I am still dealing with being abused and my eating, which has caused me to become very obese, but i have overcome ME and Suicide. When i was 20, i went to a healing meeting and was prayed for regarding the ME. i wasn't 100% healed immediately, but as soon as i was prayed for i felt the "fog" in my brain begin to clear, and my legs felt stronger when i stood up. I went away, still praying and within a couple of years, the ME had gone. As for suicide, i made several attempts in my life, but they made things worse. I ended up hospitalised, and was almost sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Worse, i almost went blind and partially deaf, and am under the care of a Psychiatrist and CPN. They fed me anti-psychotic drugs which made the ME worse. I know one cannot snap out of feeling suicidal, but believe me, God can turn those feelings around. i am having deliverance counselling for being abused, because i felt that i had nothing to offer, and still feel full of guilt and shame, but i was told that God can give us back the years that were stolen from us. i will be praying for you, i don't know whether what i have said is of any help, but i know God can do it. Carmen

Submitted by C on 23 Feb 2008

i dont know about M.E but i can understand the abuse and addiction as i too have had a similar experiences. I pray that the only man you need in your life is jesus that is the best husband anyone could have. Its all about taking heart and having faith natalie. The lord is with you just trust in him to see you through this difficult time. JUst keep praying i know sometimes it feels like our prayers are just bouncing off thye walls but beleive me they arent. Feeling suicidle will pass believe me when i say this about a year and a half ago all i wanted to do was die but i too could not go through with it because of the fear of going to hell.It is not an answer but i kept pursueing jesus in all i did and he was there and eventually those feelings of nothingness passed.KEEP TRUSTING AND PRAYING AND IT WILL GET BETTER IN JESUS NAME.I will continue praying for you have faith my dear child says the lord put your hand in mine and trust me.I surround you with my love and help is there you just need to reach out and ask for it and beleive it is given.Seek out help for the alchol there is help available turn to your family let them know you are struggling and you will be amazed at the amount of support the lord will provide Please trust in jesus.amen

Submitted by angel on 23 Feb 2008