Emily Graves spoke with author and journalist Ruth Roberts

Ruth Roberts, a journalist and media worker who at one time was on the staff of The News of the World, found church completely alien. In her book Am I Missing Something, she shares her own experiences in the form of diary excerpts and letters to her father. Ruth explores the nature of her new-found belief and shares her struggles to reconcile many of her own ideas with that of the church, including the issue of homosexuality. Emily Graves spoke with her to find out more.

Emily: What made you decide to write the book in this style?

Ruth: It started as a magazine column for Christianity magazine. It started as monthly, sort of like snap shots of my life at the time and navigating my way into church. One month I'd be standing in church, looking around and thinking, what's going on here and another month I'd be in the newsroom where I work, trying to explain my faith to my friends. That's how it started and the idea for a book came later.

Emily: The book is all about your journey from not being in church, to being in church and believing in God.

Ruth: That's exactly it. That's right. I thought it might be interesting, because sometimes when someone becomes a Christian, or you hear of people going to the front responding to an altar call, or becoming a Christian at an Alpha course, everyone goes hurray. It's almost like it's a bit of a happy ever after. This is only my experience. I'm sure lots of people assimilate themselves into the church very quickly, but I did find it quite difficult and I thought it might be helpful for people to read someone's story about going into church.

Emily: So how did you find being a new Christian and then having to tell your friends, who don't necessarily go to church or know much about God?

Ruth: That was a big challenge for me and that's another reason why I started to write the column and then the book, because the view from outside of the church as to what is going on on the inside of the church is very different to what I experienced. The people that I met inside the church were lovely; they were kind and compassionate; but the view from the outside, the view that my friends and still some of my friends think, is that the church is full of people who are quite judgmental and it's not a very rosy picture. I did find it difficult. It almost seemed as if I was trying to speak a different language. I used to get quite frustrated and I still do.

Emily: You still encounter that stereotype sometimes?

Ruth: I do. Unfortunately there are reasons for it. A friend of mine the other day, I was texting her about something; she's in PR and she'd just been talking to a Christian group about counselling. She found out that this Christian group wouldn't counsel gay couples. She said to me that this is where the church are just so out of touch and the church doesn't give off the image that I tell her that the church actually had, which is an image of compassionate people; people trying to help; people wanting to get out into the community; people wanting Foodbanks. I'm talking to my friends about that side of Christianity and what I think Jesus has told us to do and my friends on the outside are saying, well actually this is the way you're coming across when outsiders hear stories about women bishops and gay marriage. That's the problem.

Emily: What encourages you to keep going during those times, when you have got lots of questions thrown at you?

Ruth: Because the church that I'm in and the Christians I know are amazing; they are lovely. The church as a community is wonderful and also I do believe in God; I believe in Jesus and while I don't understand everything and I do still struggle with certain issues, I can't deny that God's got his hand on my life and I'm so grateful for that and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Emily: When you first went to church, you said that you felt accepted and part of a family. Why was that?

Ruth: It just felt like I was coming home and the people around did feel like a family. They were compassionate; they were funny and they were kind. We started going to a house group. We started going on an Alpha course and we felt part of the family from the start.

Emily: How did you find that your views on certain issues changed?

Ruth: When I was outside the church I did view Christians, not in a very good way at all; either as do-gooders, or as judgemental hypocrites. I think with the introduction of the book I say, if you told me 10 or 15 years ago that I would be an evangelical Christian, I would have regarded that as an insult. It's a big thing how we're viewed and I think it does stop people from coming through our doors. The views that I had before and that clashed with what I thought that most Christians believed; views on women in leadership; views on gay people; I still struggle with that. I look at all the debates that go on, on social media and the debates that get reported in the press and I sometimes get so frustrated and I think, can't I just be a follower of Jesus; why do I have to have a view on everything. I have gay friends; when I worked in the media I had a lot of gay colleagues. I didn't even think of them as gay, I just thought of them as people and that was a really big thing for me coming into a church that did teach that homosexuality is a sin. I did have some people that I really respect and admire say to me the old phrase, love the sinner but hate the sin and I just couldn't get my head around that; how can I love them, but tell them what they are doing is wrong. I still really struggle with that.

Emily: What would you say to someone who is considering going to church for the first time, or maybe going back to church?

Ruth: I would say try and put your preconceptions aside. Try not to think about the issues at this stage. I would say just go to church, sit down, relax, soak in the atmosphere and try and open yourself up to God.

You can buy Am I Missing Something from Cross Rhythms Direct for ONLY £7.99.