Heather Bellamy heard John Lawson's story.
John Lawson was a man with a reputation among the violent men in some of the UK's major cities. Riding with a biker gang, he graduated to 'debt collecting' for international racketeers, living a life full of brutality and crime. While serving his third jail sentence he finally changed his way of life and now travels widely speaking in prisons and other venues. He's just released his biography If A Wicked Man and Heather Bellamy heard his life story.
Heather: When did things begin to change for you, because I'm not speaking to a criminal today?
John: What changed for me is I made friends with a Nigerian prisoner called Tony. He was a really decent guy. I couldn't figure out why he was in prison. He was friendly, he wasn't aggressive and he was always happy.
I used to give him a bit of grief about why he was so happy when he was in jail, y'know, are you smoking something you shouldn't be smoking, what's your secret?
I really liked him, but there was one thing I didn't like about him, he was a Christian. He was always talking about Jesus and God and that's why he was happy. I used to think he was a real idiot. I didn't believe in any of that stuff at all.
I was in Glenochil prison, just outside Stirling. It was the high security jail at the time. Every Thursday there was a prison fellowship meeting, where a pastor from Dunblane Christian Fellowship would give up his time to come into the prison and run a Bible study. Every Thursday for about four months, this Nigerian guy would always invite me to this Bible study and I always refused.
One day he shared something with me that was so important to me as a prisoner. He said, "John, you know that Pastor who comes in to take the Bible study?" I said, "Yeah, I know. What about him?" He said, "Did you know he brings with him really nice coffee and cakes and really nice biscuits?" I said, "Tony, why didn't you tell me that before? In four months, you could have shared that with me for goodness sake." So I changed my mind and I went along.
I think the prison officer was a bit surprised to see me put my name down for a Christian Fellowship meeting, but off I went with the intention of stealing as many cakes, coffee and biscuits that I could fit in my pockets. I knew one thing Heather, when Christians pray they close their eyes. I thought that when they were all praying with their eyes closed that I would stand by the table with all the goodies on it and fill my pockets.
I was so impacted that evening though. There were 12 other prisoners there and I can see every single one of them when I close my eyes. I can picture them sitting in a semi-circle. There were murderers, lifers, multiple lifers, bank robbers, drug dealers and me. Then this pastor got out a guitar and I thought, "Oh, here we go, he's gonna start kumbaya or hallelujah, that's all I need." I was beginning to regret being there.
I looked across at these men and they all began clapping their hands and swinging back in their chairs. They looked so happy. I kept thinking what is wrong with you all? You're all in jail, why are you looking so happy?
I looked down at the song sheet and then I looked at the pastor who was strumming his guitar like there was no tomorrow. It was a song that I will never forget. It was a song called Open The Eyes Of My Heart Lord. These men began to sing in such a real way and in that moment something happened inside of me. I knew I was going to cry and Heather, when you're in prison, you do not want to be seen crying in front of these other men. It's a sign of weakness and in prison there's always people who would want to take advantage of another person, so I didn't want to cry. I hid my face behind the song sheet, but I really did cry like a baby and I didn't know what was wrong with me.
I don't remember much more about that evening, but I had a very restless sleep that night. Then on the Friday morning, the guards unlocked my door for me to go off to work in the prison and there was Tony. He had a Bible behind his back and insisted on giving it to me. I didn't really want it. I didn't want none of this rubbish, but I took the Bible in the end and threw it on my bed in contempt. Then off I went to work.
That evening, whilst sitting in my cell, I opened the Bible up and read the book of Ezekiel. I read something there and it impacted me. It was like an arrow to my heart, or a thump on my chest. I knew it was talking about me. I read from Ezekiel 18 verse 27-32 that said, 'If a wicked man', and I knew straight away that was about me, that, 'If a wicked man turns away from the wickedness that he has committed and if he does what is just and right, he can save his life. He won't have to die because he considers all of the offences he has committed.' Well, believe me I had a lot of offences to think about. 'He considers all of the offences committed and turns away from them, he should surely live.' Then the house of Israel complain, 'Oh the ways of the Lord are not just' and God said, 'No, is it not your ways that are unjust, therefore, oh house of Israel, I will judge each one of you according to your ways, declares the sovereign Lord, so repent. Rid yourself of all the offences you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit, for I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the sovereign Lord.'
When I read those passages I saw myself. I looked in the mirror and I saw flashbacks. I saw blood on my hands and I knew I was a wicked man, but I wanted a new heart and a new spirit. I really wanted it and I didn't know how to get it. It wasn't clear from these passages. How could you rid yourself of all these offences? How is it possible? How could you get a new heart and new spirit? I had so many questions.
Never ceases to amaze me the power of our God in bringing about changes to the hearts of men who have lived in the extremes of crime. A lesson and a hope to all!