Heather Bellamy caught up with Sheila Bridge to chat about her new book.

Sheila Bridge

Sex is a topic freely discussed in schools, by government and the media, but it can still be unusual to hear Christians sharing with the candour and honesty that Sheila Bridge does in her book, provocatively entitled - 'Who Stole Your Sex Life'.

Here's a bit of a blurb to give you a taster:

'If sex was God's idea in the first place, how did it earn its naughty reputation? Is sex the be all and end all in a relationship? What if it feels like one of life's awkward complications instead?'

So ladies, this is an interview for you - but men, if you can handle reading on, you might just learn a thing or two about speaking Venusian.

Heather: You're not afraid of getting right down to the 'nitty gritty' in your book are you? Tell us the background to this book. Why did you write it, and why do you feel this subject is important?

Sheila: It's a subject that isn't talked enough about in the church and perhaps in Christian circles. It's absolutely covered to death in the films, in media and in the newspapers though. So I think that there's a great deal of confusion and unhappiness, because Christian young people don't hear it talked about and don't really understand what Christians mean by limitations; what's ok and what's not ok; why sex should be within marriage and what God really feels about sex outside of marriage. These are all really difficult issues for young people.

Heather: In your book you mention our Mums, the media, husbands, diaries and painful experiences, as things that can steal our sex lives. Tell us some of the experiences people have had. What is the norm out there - is there a norm?

Sheila: Oh no, everybody's story is their own. There's no such thing as a normal experience. In the book I reflected on the eight most common reasons why women didn't enjoy sex as much as God intends them to; as I believe their creator intends them to and I looked at the negative influences.

In your upbringing it could be your Mother or it could have been your Dad who affected you; what you were told about your body when you were growing up; how you felt about your body when you were growing up. Or it could be the media or it could be your religious outlook, religious upbringing might affect you negatively as well.

The experiences I uncovered were hugely variable. Lots and lots of pain. A lot of people feeling a huge amount of pressure not to admit that they have a problem in this area. Primarily the book is written for people who are in a sexual relationship and it's written to help them explore why maybe it's not going as well as it could be. But there is a huge amount of pressure on them to conform, to pretend that, oh we don't have a problem, because it's seen somehow as to be a failure if they do. And yet nobody is talking about it.

So I talk to women who have been divorced. I talk to women who are on their second marriage. The longest marriage I talked to was someone who'd been married over fifty years, and the shortest marriage was just three weeks. She didn't have an awful lot to say, but she was terribly keen about the subject.

So all sorts of range of experiences. Some very painful, some very funny; but all very true and genuine.

Heather: So what are you hoping will be the end result for women reading this book?

Sheila: I really hope that they are going to be given back their body, which is their birthright. I feel that a lot of women have had, 'being comfortable in their own skins' stolen from them through a number of different ways. Maybe through the messages they've been given, or the misunderstandings and myths they get from the media. They think for example that they've got to be slim to be sexy. They think for example that men automatically know how to make a good sexual relationship. That's a myth, they don't.