Kat Mills shares how God made positive changes in her life during the time she had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Being Under Personal Reconstruction

Several times a week I walk with my three year old down our road to 'his' park. He loves numbers and patterns so as we pass the houses he likes to shout them out. Several months ago as we were doing our counting we got to 98 and then 102. We stopped, puzzled...where was 100? We looked again and where once there had stood a small bungalow, there was now only a small plot of land with no hint of the previous residence. All that was visible was a construction sign and a building van.

We observed with interest over the next few months as work started, foundations were laid, and walls were built. For a long time it just looked messy, like it was never going to be finished. It was hard to see the final vision.

Then it started to take shape, bit by bit. You started to get an idea of how it would look, and then the outside of the house was completed. One look through the window showed you that it was now the interior that needed work on. And even though the construction signs were removed there was still a long period of internal decoration. And once someone moves in there is always more DIY to do, or something to repair, renovate, reinvent, or replace.

Seeing the construction sign and the ongoing work reminded me of a T-shirt I saw some years ago. It stated, 'Warning, I'm under construction - hard hats needed at all times.' It made me smile, but it also got me thinking about the truth of the statement. Just like our houses are on-going projects whether big or small, we are also under daily construction. We go through times of daily DIY, seasons of renovations and sometimes are even in need of a drastic rebuild.

For me this drastic rebuild took place while I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (M.E.) and was ill for five years. At a time when I couldn't get out much due to sickness, I felt God starting to knock down my walls of insecurity and walls of defence that I had built up, partly due to being bullied and being aware that I was 'different'. I felt Him stripping away my self-consciousness, my fears and my feelings of not being good enough.

I felt Him lay new and strong foundations. I started to have a peace in who God had made me to be, and started to understand that I was wonderfully made. I began to look to Him for my affirmation and encouragement and felt something truly shift.

Just like with the house I passed, it has been an ongoing rebuild and needs constant upkeep. There have been times when things happen so slowly it is hard to see the result. With perseverance and vision though, things start to take shape. I have made the choice daily to look to God for my strength and peace, making this choice no matter how hard it seems.

Just as someone doing a DIY project will look to a manual, or guide of how to complete the task, I find reading the Bible helps me by reminding me of God's love and the hope I have in Him. CR

The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.